A little less than 2 months had past when I faced the first holiday that would challenge me to my core.
It seemed to be nothing more than a cruel reminder of how much my life had changed. It was also the first time I noticed that around Mother’s Day (and Father’s Day for that matter) advertising shifts to be heartfelt and family focused. Shopping becomes a bit harder because as you enter the store, any store, you are faced with Mother’s Day displays of balloons, flowers, cards, and gifts. And, while Hallmark claims to have a card for every occasion, they don’t; there are not cards for this one. It seems there is no way to escape it. So, I needed to figure out how to embrace it. It is the fight or flight response, I can either run away from life or try to fight my way through it. Of course, that is easier said than done. It comes with a great deal of emotions ranging from anxiety, to sadness, to anger, and even guilt.
By this time, I had joined a support group of other bereaved parents. Many of whom, like me, only had children in Heaven. It is a group that you hope and pray you will never be a part of, but it is a blessing to know that you are not alone. Rock Good bye Angle gave me an outlet to embrace my first Mother’s Day without Ansley. We all met at the lake where we were given balloons to write a message to send to our babies. It was a way to acknowledge them and at the same time reinforce our “status” as parents. On several occasions leading up to the big day at the lake, I thought about backing out. I wasn’t sure if I was strong enough to get through it, but I knew I needed to go. I needed to set a precedent for survival; not just for this holiday and all the others I was yet to face.
Each and every day presents a challenge, but holidays do always seem to hurt worse. *Hugs*
Totally agree with Britt. Holidays are tough! But am proud of you that you did push yourself to go, that says a lot about you 🙂
I lost my baby girl on Easter Sunday. This Mother’s Day was my first holiday after the loss, too. It was bittersweet, but I was grateful that my family celebrated me as the newest mother, despite the fact that my baby is no longer with us. I like the idea of releasing a balloon to rise up to the heavens bearing a message to her. I think I’ll start doing that for all future holidays and events that she won’t get the chance to be t, but that I believe she is watching from above.
Too cute. Reminds me of my nephew who also enjoy sticking out his tongue.
Lovely photograph, truly captures the great joys that can be found in small gestures.
I’d like your permission to share this post on my blog later today. I am posting a photo-journal recapping my first Mother’s Day, and I’d like also share a few posts written by other bloggers about Mother’s Day.
I am sorry for your loss. You are welcome to share anything from my blog that you would like.