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By 6am Sunday, my parents were back checking on me.  They must not have been home for more than an hour or two, but much like me, they probably weren’t sleeping.  Nurse Sharon told me I did well that night, better than they had anticipated. 

It wasn’t long before my doctor, Dr. Kasparek and Dr. Kootnz, from Maternal Fetal Specialist stopped by for a visit.  And for the first time, I was given some straight answers about what was going on. 

They explained, I was very ill.  They were worried about my liver rupturing and I was not out of the woods yet.  My back pain was all due to how enlarged my liver was.  They explained because my blood platelets were so low, my blood would not clot and that is why they didn’t go ahead with the c-section the night before.  They apologized for the neonatologist and told me behind the scenes there was a lot of conflict about the course of my care. They hoped it didn’t carry over into my room.  He is the baby doctor and it is his role to focus 100% on what was best for the baby with complete disregard for me.  Dr. Kasparek explained that I was their patient.  Ansley, having not been born yet,  would have been a wildcard.  They had to focus on saving me not her or they may have lost us both.  She said, “last night you were sitting on top of a mountain, nobody knew what side you were going to slide down. It was 50/50 you could have easily gone one way or the other.”  But, I had made a few improvements, they felt I was heading down the mountain in the right direction. 

Until Dr. Kasparek’s visit, I didn’t realize I was so sick.  How is it possible that I was THAT sick?  Shouldn’t I have had a fever or felt worse?

I was glad my parents were there to listen to what they had to say.  Since they had gotten back, Chris had run home for the first time to pack a bag. And, it is always good to have extra ears when listening to doctors.

Soon after Chris got back, his friend Chuck called.  It was his son’s baby shower we no-showed the night before.  He asked if everything was okay – NO NOTHING IS OKAY.  Chris told him what had happened and how sick I was.  It wouldn’t be long before word would spread.  My phone began ringing off the hook, my Facebook page blew up with condolences.  I never answered my phone or looked at Facebook.  That would have meant I would have had to face reality.  And, I was still very much in denial about Ansley’s death.

The rest of the day was a blur that is until my contractions began that evening.  I soon found out I was too ill for an epidural.  They couldn’t risk it, I could have some pain medicine but that would be all.  It was going to be another sleepless night.

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