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July 30, 2012 – It is official…. I am pregnant.

We got cleared from the doctor and decided we were ready to try again.  Within the past month I must have seen a dozen rainbows which I took as a good sign. Each rainbow reassuring me that we were making the right choice to try for another baby.

I had planned to take a home pregnancy test on Saturday, but I just couldn’t wait, so Friday after work I went ahead and took the test.  It was negative.  Better luck next month.  After all, there is only a 25% chance of getting pregnant even if the timing is right. The weekend came and went.  Monday as I was getting ready for work, something urged me to take another test.  The same negative line popped up rather quickly and as I was getting ready to throw it away I noticed another line starting to form.  I stared at the test as the second line got darker and darker.  I was speechless. I walked to the bed where Chris was still laying and handed him the test.  Not really yet awake, he grumbled for a minute, realized what I handed him and I could tell had the same feelings I did.  He got up, followed me back into the bathroom; he was not saying a word and neither was I.  I was still trying to wrap my head around what I was feeling. This is what I had wanted- what we had both wanted! But, I was nervous, scared, and a little sad that I was not overjoyed like I was with Ansley and at the same time I was happy, very happy, but I wasn’t excited.  I was on the verge of tears and I still can’t tell you if they were good tears or bad tears, when Chris finally said, “Guess we are good at the getting pregnant part”.

I took one more test for good measure and told Chris I would call the doctor and let her know.  I knew she wanted to see me right away.

I drove to work as if it were just another day.  I tried to process the news; I tried to force myself to be excited, but my mind kept racing back to Ansley, my last pregnancy, the only frame of reference I knew.